Mutant Turtle Babies

Genius. Badass. Trivial Pursuit Champ. Inventor of Revolutionary Devices. Protector. Witty. Master of Ninjitsu.

Why wouldn’t I have had a massive crush on Donatello as a child?

I was big into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Being a child of the late 80s/early 90s… I don’t really even think it was an option. I watched the cartoon and the movies (the Secret of the Ooze was my favorite). I had the board game AND I loved the video game. But most importantly… I had a giant, 3-foot tall, stuffed Donatello doll that I slept with every night. It was that stiff stuffing with no give that made a strange styrofoam noise and I remember falling asleep hugging him on a regular basis. He was like my little, mutant boyfriend.

So, am I excited that the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is coming out? Uh, yeah. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in years! (I don’t count the new cartoon, that seems like more effort than it’s worth.) I can definitely get on board with this. I just hope when I go to the theater I don’t realize that my TMNT-Fetish was a phase and I’m no longer into the bo-wielding amphibian sort. Though… he is supposed to be a teenager. Perhaps rethinking that relationship isn’t such a bad idea afterall.

Regardless, it’s go time friends! April, Splinter, the boys… and I’m still hoping for grungy, 80s New York to make an appearance. Plunge down into the sewers with me and make these Mutant Turtle Babies. I made classic turtles, but used green candy melts in place of chocolate and colorful Twizzlers to indicate which turtle infant you’ll be shoving in your mouths. Cowabunga… or something!

Editor’s Note: Below is the recipe as it appeared on HoboTrashcan.com.

Don’t think about it being fucked up, just eat them.

Mutant Turtle Babies
2 bags Wilton Candy Melts, green
16 oz pecan halves
16 oz candy caramels
1 bag Twizzler Rainbow Twists

Line three baking sheets with wax paper. Place pecan halves in clusters, like a five-pointed star, an inch or so apart.

Unwrap your caramels and fill a 2-cup glass measuring cup with the candies. Place the measuring cup in a saucepan of boiling water to melt down your caramels. Stir frequently.

When the caramel is completely melted, pour a little pool of it in the middle of each cluster. Make sure that a good portion of the tips of each pecan are sticking out. Continue pouring until all of the clusters have been caramel-bombed. If your caramel starts to stiffen, return it to the boiling water.

Once the caramels have set up and can be easily picked up by hand, begin melting your candy melts in a double boiler. Once they are melted, dip each cluster in the ooze and then return to the wax paper. Repeat. Let set.

In the meantime, begin cutting your Twizzlers. You’ll want the red, orange, blue and purple ones. Cut them in half, both lengthwise and crosswise. When the turtles are mostly set but still slightly tacky, lift them from the wax paper and wrap a section of Twizzler around each one.

Serve with mini pizzas for a fun kid’s party. (Mini pizzas are water crackers, sauce and cheese, baked at 350° for 10-12 minutes.)